Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
