My nipple is on Facebook.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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