halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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