A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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