I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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