i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
