Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
