Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We left the knife in your bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
