I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
