Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
