You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
