I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
