5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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