dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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