They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
