we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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