i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
