kristin has been a bad kristin
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
