I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Olympian is in my bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
