"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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