I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
