I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Farmville is her only friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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