Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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