kristin has been a bad kristin
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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