Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
