Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
