just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
