Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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