did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
