The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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