Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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