i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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