pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
