I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
