Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
