Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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