There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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