we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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