literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
