that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
