i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
