Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He felt like a one man threesome
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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