So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize