is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i think i just lost a toe
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
