Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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