these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
