Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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