We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize