i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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