Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize