guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize