I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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