It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
