i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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