You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
