Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
