im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
