If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
