I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
