Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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