apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
