I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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