Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize