Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
