did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
