If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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