So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize