I wannas sexs uuuuu
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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