Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
