Welp...herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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