does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
