im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
