Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
