i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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