She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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