Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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