So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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