Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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