Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize