my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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