my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
