I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
