Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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