her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
