Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this hospital has no fireball
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
