why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
