you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
