If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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