he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
