is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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